I wish I
The scene in the film where the main character is on their death-bed, somewhere in their final moments of life.... either their beloved sitting by them, clutching their wilting hand... or the family surrounds them as the last breaths are taken... the music engages our hearts and imaginations as we too become over-come and enthralled by the mortality of this character in the film.
We watch, entirely consumed with the drama, the suspense, the mightiness of the moment of passing... somehow recalling our own death fantasy as we witness the solemn (hopefully dignified) passing... as the last breath leaves and the body stills and the music softens and fades... and we are all left with the loss of this entirely fictional character who stole our hearts for the duration of the film and perhaps for even longer
Those incredible times in life when we bare witness to our humanity in it's complete transparency and vulnerability, and to the soul in it's spell-binding splendor, rapture and wisdom.... when we bare witness to the truth of that person's life.
These are the times when we perhaps also hear their regret ~ an unfulfillment, something left undone or unsaid.... maybe something they held onto all their life and now in the moment of release, they realize they hadn't needed to live by that thought or belief.... and how would their life have been otherwise?
I'm not interested in woulda coulda shoulda, I'm talking about the gift we are given to "die before we die"
When I first heard this, something in me jolted and I came to understand that I was actually choosing to let parts of me die every day, so that each day I live more and more fully. It's absolutely true that each of us dies a little bit every day... the cells of our body dying daily, letting go of old ways of being and thinking and so on.
The grueling truth is I would much rather die 'forwards' every day than die each day through holding on and staying the same and essentially 'killing' my self by holding onto old thoughts and ways of being that stifle me and smother my soul.
I asked myself the other day "If this were my last day, do I have any regrets?"
The answer came back clearly - Yes. I asked myself "Well, what would it be?"
"I worried too much"
"Yes that's true, you did. What would your life have been like if you hadn't?"
"I would have had so much more fun. I would have loved so much more and had the time of my life. I would have had so many more amazing friends with whom I'd have connected even more deeply and shared more honestly and intimately. I would have treasured myself and believed in myself so much more and achieved so much more of what I know I'm truly capable of...
Quite frankly, the list went on and on... as you can imagine!
From this awakening, I feel clearer and braver, and my internal compass is already finding it's 'New North" as I now have the information I desire to live my life even more fully.
It's my nature to be happy and I don't hold onto regrets, but I do know that within us all there is a fundamental essential component which when unleashed paints the truest, most exquisite picture of our own unique soul's destiny given birth through this body, mind and heart... in this lifetime
What is yours...?
I love you,